


Close To You

by takataka (orphan_account)



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bisexual Male Character, Bittersweet, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Deaf Character, Fate & Destiny, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tragedy/Comedy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-01-13 16:19:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18472573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/takataka
Summary: [LONG-TERM HIATUS] (Soulmates AU) Onodera Ritsu, born with a condition leading to his deafness growing up, ends up dorm roommates with the infamous playboy, Takano Masamune, when he moves to Tokyo for college.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taz here- I had the idea to write a soulmates fic with these two before, and with a similar plot, but I ended up giving up and deleting it a while ago, haha. So yeah, this is new, again, and I hope you'll enjoy it! Thank you for reading my works!!

Takano Masamune wasn't anything special; he wasn't born into a rich family, and he wasn't the oldest of many siblings-- sure, he may have had a few lovers here and there, in the past, but he was no playboy. These were things the man himself didn't think he needed to explain to anyone, you shouldn't be quick to judge a person, of course. But that may have also been the reason rumors were often spread about him in the first place. He never spoke much, after all.

"Oh, wow! It's really him, he transferred to our school!"

Girls had squealed upon him simply entering the classroom--it was no hard feat for him to get into this school, he was a fast learner and always maintained good grades. He found it ridiculous that people would find any alternate reason for his actions, when really, his intentions were entirely opposite almost every time.

That's right, he was no playboy and he was most certainly not rich.

 

 

Growing up, his parents both had decent jobs, but they were never around much, especially after their divorce, and were living off average. Takano was used to being alone, and his mother had sent him off as soon as he was of age, lost in her own, new family. He was fine with it, though, and he still had his grandmother. Upon getting into his school, around a year ago, she had died, and it was about the same time he was able to meet his best friend.

_"You're new here, right?"_

He recalled the first time he met Yokozawa-- it was refreshing to finally be greeted in a normal fashion instead of being gawked at or whispered about.

Ever since they'd met, it was like they were attached at the hip, if not for Takano wanting to live alone. He couldn't live back at his grandmother's after her passing, but he was able to get a dorm by himself, and wanted it that way. He thought things were like that mostly for the fact that he was used to it, but luck had to run out at some point.

 

 

"...and that's why! If you could just share your room, even for just one semester..." 

_Ah, so the time has come._

A new student was entering, and Takano was anything but excited. He found it troubling, rather, to meet new people, so rooming with them wasn't any better. It's not that he felt like they wouldn't get along, but something about the way this new student looked and acted made him think darkly...It was clear that the boy was your average rich heir. Accustomed to rumors, Takano himself knew that it wasn't good to judge a book by it's cover, but-

"Takano-san?"

"Ah, right, sorry. Yeah, it's fine..." He was quick to agree, almost as soon as admin had explained the situation to him.

But how could he refuse? It couldn't be much harm, and it could really only be for one semester, so he decided to just go with the flow. The kid was two years younger than him, and he seemed shy. Who knows, they could even have things in common. He decided to hold off on judging until after getting to know the brunette, as a roommate at least.  
  
Takano drowned himself in his own curious thoughts as he walked his way up to the room, his soon-to-be roommate at his side.

 

“So did you move from home, or have you already been living here, in Tokyo?”  
  
_No answer…_  
  
Takano paused for a minute, thinking that maybe this new roommate was just a little too shy for his liking, until said man turned to face him directly instead. He took a deep breath before speaking, stuttering abnormally.  
  
“Sorry, there’s something you should know about me…”  
  
“...”  
  
“I’m deaf.”  
  
Silence filled the room, as Takano found himself at a loss for words. Usually, in case of an event such as this, he would’ve prepared with a quick rebound, but something about this boy in particular kept him from being able to do so. The older student composed himself, looking for the right thing to do, but the other spoke before him.  
  
“Oh! Sorry, I forgot, haha. I can speak pretty well and I’m really good at reading lips, so you can talk to me normally. I just ask that you talk slowly and make sure I can see you clearly…”  
  
Takano was more than flustered at this point, but he managed to grasp what to say. “No, it’s fine. I didn’t notice earlier, I’m sorry. Ah, but, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Takano. Takano Masamune.”  
  
“It’s...nice to meet you, too.” His roommate bowed in response. “Onodera Ritsu- that’s my name, sorry. You can just...call me Ritsu.”  
  
_First name terms already…?_  
  
Despite his confusion towards Ritsu’s sudden straightforwardness, he decided to just go for it. Things started off awkward, but he honestly didn’t think it was so bad. Maybe there really was more to this boy than he thought.

 

He closed his eyes peacefully that night, just a little excited for what this new guy could bring into his life, now that he was here.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back from my one-week hiatus, I'm sorry for taking a break so soon. There's been a lot going on at home and there was so much piled up at school, so I had to focus on those things until now. I hope you'll continue to enjoy this story!
> 
> Taz

As much as he wanted to get some decent sleep the second night after their becoming roommates, it deemed him impossible. Takano had been an insomniac for a while then, ever since he was around sixteen years old, and having to be in someone else's company didn't really help. Some would think that having another person around would ease the anxiety, but for him, this wasn't the case- he had layed awake in bed all night, sighing hopelessly at the blank ceiling above his head. 

He thought of his mother to calm his unnatural discomfort, though it didn't help much.

Sometimes, when he was just a child, she would show her soft side, petting his head at night and wishing for him to rest well. He missed the little moments, ones where he would look at her and she wasn't frowning, wasn't scoffing at every corner. His stepfather never did as much as to even look at him, but to Takano, that had been his _true_ father. Not that he had known then, that 'Saga' wasn't really his dad, but they were a family to him, even then, and he was still let down in the end. Now he wasn't used to having someone at home with him, wasn't used to announcing entry and receiving a reply. 

 

_"I'm deaf."_

 

He turned over again, squinting in the dark, and observed the small, frail frame of his roommate laying on the bed opposite to his. It'd only been a couple days since they'd met, but he already took an interest in the brunette. There was something about the boy that made Takano feel a strange warmth over himself, and a part of him resented it. 

_He must be from a nice family..._

He brushed it off as simple jealousy and thought he was childish to think of such things. Ritsu was...

Remembering their first conversation was awkward to him. Takano sighed for maybe the 50th time and rolled back over. Not only was his roommate rich, from a nice family, and younger than him, but he was also deaf. It was unique, somehow.

Thinking of those emerald eyes over and over and over again, he felt himself finally drifting to sleep. 

_Ritsu... who are you?_

"Masamune! Open up!" It was the weekend, and the harsh rapping against Takano's front door jolted him awake earlier than he would've liked. 

It could've been no one other than Yokozawa Takafumi, at this time at least, and he dragged himself out of bed to greet him. It was too late to remember he was living with someone now, for his best friend practically burst through the wall as soon as the locks were set loose. 

"Wai- Yokozawa!" Takano was wide awake now, alerted now that he had noticed Ritsu, still asleep.

"What's the big idea?" 

Either Takafumi was just slow or stupid- you could argue either or- but he still didn't seem to notice the younger man resting just across their space. He yawned, slapping a thick stack of paper over the table just ahead. Of course it was extra studying material, courtesy of the student council. Takano had no interest, or business, in such things, but the group had often asked for his membership. It would be nothing special, at least is what he thought, but they still managed to deliver work to him at best interest. Not that he wasn't to do it anyway and submit it in later, but it didn't make their demands any less annoying. 

"Again?" The exhaustion in his expression was even more clear now.   
  
"You know the drill." Yokozawa cocked an eyebrow. "But, hey... what are you so jumpy for today?"

"That's-"

Before he could continue, the weak spot in the wooden floor creaked annoyingly so.

"Takano-san?"

_What timing..._

Neither of them had noticed the younger man as he awoke from an early sleep, entering their tense discussion abruptly. Ritsu rubbed at his eyes, stretching out soon after, and blinked a couple times at the newcomer in front of him. Takano sighed, pursing his lips at his friend, for he had practically begged his silence the entire time. Just because they hadn't made too much vocal noise, noise Ritsu wouldn't be able to hear otherwise, didn't mean that the frequent rattling and slamming wouldn't awaken his partner. It wasn't as if the man was hard of touch after all. 

"Ah, morning, Ritsu." Takano quickly turned in greeting, remembering Ritsu's previous request to look at him properly when speaking. 

The latter smiled in reply and bowed to their guest. "A friend?"

Takano only nodded in response, and Yokozawa puffed out in annoyance. "And who might this be?"

"My new roommate. He's-"

Ritsu made a quick intervene, surprising Takano for reasons unknown. "Onodera. Nice to meet you."

"Hm." The taller man crossed his arms and turned a cheek in response. "Well, Masamune, I leave it to you." 

"Oh, right."

And with that, Yokozawa took his leave. Takano realized he didn't get the chance to explain everything to his companion and rubbed at his temples. It didn't seem like much, but he could tell that the air between the room, with Yokozawa being there, was thick, and also tense. Maybe it was simple jealousy, which he knew his friend had- he had been in love with Masamune for a while, and it was rather obvious- but there could be something more going on as well...

What scared him the most was Ritsu, however.

The subject blinked in surprise. "Something wrong?"   
  
"No, I'm...okay."

The thing about Ritsu, he wondered if it could be a soulmates thing. It was always said that lovers who were meant to be could just feel it, and the man himself wasn't put off by the fact that Ritsu was a guy. But that wasn't exactly what he had been experiencing; Ritsu was the kind of boy who made him want to run away, to scream- but he also lured him in somehow. It wasn't anything romantic, really, instead it seemed menacing. Something had been missing, and Takano could feel it plain and clear himself. He took a deep breath, risking a question that could soon become a regret.

"Ritsu, have you ever heard of what they like to call 'soulmates'?" 


	3. Chapter 3

A connection that couldn't be broken, unconditional love; a soulmate was someone who just got you. Takano quickly realized his question only grew more ridiculous with each passing second. Maybe it was that Ritsu didn't quite understand his words, but he only stared for a long minute before finding an answer. 

_Say something at least..._

"Well..."

Ritsu thought back to the reportings on television, to fights between his parents. They were never serious, nor were the accusations that of 'soulmates', but it was often brought up. Could such a thing be true? Not even Takano could believe it all in full, but it was hard to ignore. Groups had even formed at school, claiming the sources were true- that love could mean nothing in a world like this, ruled by destiny. Was it fate, then? You had no choice who you were meant to be with...

Ritsu continued speaking post-thought. "...It's not that I don't believe in it, and what they say. I just, I don't know, haven't seen it happen for myself?"

"Ah, I see. Yeah, sorry, I was just wondering about it all of a sudden."

The more he thought about it, the more strange it seemed. Fate and fantasy didn't really exist in the world, he knew that. Besides, it was odd to think of someone he had only just met as someone so close. How silly would it be...

He shook his head and turned back to the table, gathering up the papers Yokozawa had left behind. He would use his time on the weekend to study- had nothing else to do anyhow. It was a little awkward when he noticed that Ritsu hadn't made a sound after that, but when he turned back around, he was gone.

 

Later in the day, Ritsu had taken his leave back to visit his parents. A lot of students, especially in the dorms, took off to visit their parents' house on the weekend. Takano wasn't, and probably would never be, one of them. He missed it, seeing his grandma, at times like this. Maybe he would go see her grave later, but until then he sat alone at his desk, staring blankly at the work he layed out. 

_I'm bored._

At home, he had a cat, Sorata, but couldn't bring him to the dorms. Instead, he was in Yokozawa's care. Takafumi owned his own apartment and would watch over Sorata while he was there during some days and some nights. Other times, he would leave it up to Takano to go to his house- this was if he had a late assignment or extra work after school. That was the only reason Takano had a key to his place, but somewhere deep down, they both knew there was more to the story than that. 

Takano took a break from his studies and pulled out some old recipes. From living alone almost his entire life, he had learned the hard way to fend for himself. Admittedly, he was quite the chef- he thought of later years when he would make a meal for both him and his grandmother; She had always been fond of his surprising cooking skills. He decided he should just do something simple this time around and went with stir fry vegetables. 

_I wonder how Ritsu is doing down there._

The knife stopped in his hand. What was he thinking just now? They were practically strangers, yet he always found himself thinking about him. Ritsu rarely spoke before spoken to- he was polite, but much too quiet. Takano often found himself wanting to hear him talk more. He scolded himself yet again, he should've been glad Ritsu was gone. He was visiting family after all, and that was a good thing on its own. 

But a part of him felt that maybe he really did hate being alone. Was it Ritsu that made him realize that? It was possible that the emptiness that came after being with someone, even for a short while, brought him to the understanding that he would rather be in someone else's company after all. 

He started his hands up again, continuing his culinary work.

 

"I'm home."

"Welcome back."

It was Sunday night, and Ritsu had finally arrived back at their place. Takano was sitting at the table, head down, and hesitated to stand up. It was a long limit of seconds before he remembered that his roommate wasn't any less deaf than before and wouldn't be able to tell what he had said. He got up finally and stepped near the entrance, meeting the other where he stood, taking off his shoes. He waited for him to look up before saying it again.

"Welcome back." He smiled this time, and it felt real.

Was he that lonely?

"I brought back some dishes- my mother insisted after I told her we were sharing a room. I'll put both of our shares in the fridge. Did you eat?"

Takano was confused by the sudden eagerness. It seemed like he was talking an awful lot, especially for someone who was, more often than not, completely silent, even in movement. It made him anxious, but also a little worried. Maybe something happened- Ritsu had been the one asking questions, but he didn't even look at him to see his answers. His hands shook as he placed each dish into the cooler. 

Takano stepped forward, reaching out to tap him on the shoulder, but couldn't touch him at all before his shaking hands dropped a glass bowl to the floor. It shattered upon impact and the noise shocked Takano a little. Ritsu barely flinched.

"Hey..." Takano brushed the side of his face to get him to turn and face his direction.

"I'm sorry." The latter turned back. "I'm...I will clean it up."

He snatched his wrist. Didn't anyone teach him not to pick up broken glass with his bare hands?? Ritsu yelped in response, not prepared for the suddenness, and apologized profusely. Takano only felt bad. Something definitely happened- was it at home, did his family do something?

"We can clean it up together, don't use your hands. Let's talk after, okay?" His eyes filled with worry, but something in his heart was responding differently. 

He didn't know what this was anymore.

Ritsu hesitated and swallowed thickly, feeling choked by the dryness caught in his throat. "O, okay..."

There was something about this behavior that really seemed to concern Takano. Was he being abused? That couldn't be it, right? He turned away from the brunette again and focused on the task at hand. The spill wasn't too bad, and even though he said they would clean it together, he did the most of it alone in fear Ritsu would do something dumb again. 

He hoped it wouldn't be too weird to let the almost-stranger confide in him, at least for tonight. There were always two sides to a story- Takano repeated this in his head as he sat down at the table, inviting Ritsu to join him on the other side. Neither of them knew what this really was, but at least for Takano, he knew he would rather hear the other out in a situation like this. It's what he would've wanted if he was in the opposite situation. 

"So," he started, "did something happen?"

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

"So, did something happen?" 

Takano was quick to notice things. A slight change in tone, a fake smile. He knew when things were changing, before they were even said. He'd experienced it many times. As soon as Ritsu differed even just a little from usual, he could tell- despite only just meeting. Maybe it was fate, maybe it was just instinct.

Ritsu kept his head hanging, sitting across from Takano at the table. "It's nothing serious. Sometimes I just...have these episodes."

Disappointment was kept from showing on his face- Takano had been hoping for more of a conversation, but he knew it was best to leave things alone when need be. If Ritsu ever wanted to talk, he would be there to listen, but if he didn't...

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, just know that I'm here."

 

Ritsu fell asleep rather quickly that night, knocked out almost as soon as he hit the pillow. Takano was unable to sleep yet again.

He wasn't usually one for words of kindness, actually some would say he was cold. Curt as he was though, something was different when he talked to his roommate. The soulmates thing was more or less an excuse he used to justify the feelings he knew he was developing. There was no way someone could fall in love so fast, he didn't believe in things like first love. 

_Everything is temporary._

It was every day that he had to remind himself of this. 

And even knowing that everyone leaves, every time, he still wished someone would come and stay. It wasn't like he didn't love his parents, like he didn't care about anyone or anything, he just didn't know what to do anymore. If someone had to go, what could he do? If he had a choice...

_I hope you'll be okay._

He knew there had to be something more going on with Ritsu than met the eye. He wasn't born deaf- an accident maybe? Was his family involved? It would make the most sense. There were so many questions blocking out everything else in his mind. It wasn't his business, anyway, so he shouldn't have been so worried. Takano exhaled slowly, calming himself down. There was class tomorrow, and he wanted more than anything in that moment to sleep.

 

"Oh, we have the same afternoon lecture!" Ritsu beamed that morning. 

It was still too early to be up, but it wasn't like Takano would be getting any sleep anyway. He thought to make breakfast. 

"It's my first time on an open campus like this, I'm a little scared..."

"-I'll be there."

"Huh?"  
  
"I'll be with you, at school."  
  
Ritsu blinked a couple times, surprise poorly hidden from his features. Takano, on the other hand, regret his words almost as soon as he said them. He was being so obvious- he didn't even want to feel this protective, but something inside was keeping him from holding back.

_Something so simple..._

He sighed and shook his head, laughing a little at himself. "Sorry, I don't even know what I'm saying."

"...No, it's okay." Ritsu averted his gaze, downcast. "I'm glad- since you said we'll be there together."

Maybe it was his imagination, but Takano swore he could see the tips of Ritsu's small ears grow red. Embarrassment maybe? Or...

He interrupted himself- no need to get carried away. Today was Ritsu's first day in a new school and Takano knew he had to be nervous, that was all. He hoped that, even if Ritsu caught notice to any of his roommates widely known rumors, they would maintain a simple and balanced relationship like always. He wasn't usually conscious of _anyone's_ feelings or opinions, but he actually took a liking to Ritsu. The man was chill, he was pretty friendly despite his shyness and their distance was peaceful rather than awkward. Neither stepped over the other's boundaries, at least. 

 

"Who's he with? A new student?"  
  
"A boyfriend?"  
  
"Maybe he's visiting him for today!"  
  
"No way!!"

Ritsu was visibly squirming in his seat, and Takano immediately regret sitting next to him. So much for wishing the brunette wouldn't hear the gossip- he was now another part of it.

He sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder. "My bad, Ritsu. You should actually just find some new friends or-"  
  
"No! I mean- no, it's really alright. I was just a little shocked. that's all."  
  
"Ah, I'm not some playboy or anything, really. Just want to put that out there."

Ritsu flinched at the reply, one rather unexpected. He himself didn't particularly believe in the gossip, but had found himself curious nevertheless. Perhaps it was just comforting hearing the truth from the subject himself. A part of him clearly felt bad about all the talk going around, and it was very obvious to Takano. Once again he found himself in awe of the younger man's character. It wasn't about him nor was it serious, so why...

_It's kind of...cute..._

Quickly clearing such thoughts from his mind, he realized that was probably the 5th time now that he'd shaken his head out of his feelings towards Ritsu. Was he really falling for him?

 

It wasn't like he had a problem when it came to someone being a man or a woman- he often questioned his own sexuality for such reasons. It was just strange for him to feel this way in general, since he was quick to see the flaws in people and was turned off every time. Of course, everyone had their own fuck ups, Ritsu included, but Takano couldn't fight the passion he felt for him regardless. If this really was love, he wanted to get it out there and off of his chest. 

Maybe he could talk to Yokozawa- 

_No, that wouldn't go well..._

He thought about it longer and discovered there was no point stressing over it. It would be better to face the question himself and talk it out. He took another quick glance at his partner and decided.

 

He would talk about his feelings with Ritsu once they were home, and that would be that.

 


	5. Chapter 5

He wanted to talk to Ritsu about how he was feeling lately-- he really did-- but nothing ever seemed to go as planned between the two of them. Moments after they finished classes for the day and made their way home, a familiar pounding erupted against the door.  
  
_Yokozawa._   
  
Takano sighed, eyes kept from rolling, and opened the entrance. In his friend’s hand was a grocery bag stock full of beer cans. He must’ve came from the convenience store.   
  
“I came to drink.” Yokozawa announced himself, pushing past his friend.   
  
It wasn’t unusual for him to barge in uninvited, a load of drinks in hand. What was strange was the slur already visible in his speech, clear that he’d already been drinking beforehand. Besides that, it was the beginning of the week. They never drank on weekdays.   
  
“We have classes tomorrow. Ritsu, too.” Takano shook his head, pushing the door closed and clicking the locks back into place.   
  
Better safe than sorry.   
  
“Suit yourself,” he shrugged, “I’ll drink in your stead. Where is that friend of yours anyway?”   
  
“Oh, he-”   
  
Once again, as Takano turned around, the boy was gone. He thought the guy might’ve just been awkward or antisocial--he wasn’t really sure. He didn’t want to deal with Yokozawa in this state, however, and sighed indignantly. Having friends could really be a hassle.   
  
“-he’s probably resting up.” Takano continued.   
  
Yokozawa plopped down on the sofa and opened another can. He reeked of alcohol already and Takano still couldn’t help but wonder what all the drinking was for anyway.   
  
“So?” He started. “What’s up?”   
  
Squinting his eyes in suspicion, drunk as he already was, Yokozawa scoffed. “‘What’s up?’ That’s no way to greet your best friend is it?”   
  
Takano deadpanned.   
  
“Well- alright, fine. I’ve just been stressed lately. Wanted to see my closest friend.”   
  
“I see.”   
  
Another scoff. “That’s all you have to say? You know, I…”   
  
Everyone was tired; even Takano, despite his usual indifferent attitude. He wished to be in Ritsu’s current position, most likely laying down or asleep in bed. The bedroom door was closed so he wasn’t quite sure, but it would’ve been better; anywhere but here. He wasn’t good at handling drunkards.   
  
“You know I don’t mean it like that. I’m just exhausted today.”   
  
It was true; he jogged in the morning and had school the rest of the day, trying to protect Ritsu from the nasty rumors that he usually ignored for himself.   
  
There it was again, that overprotectiveness. He really did need to talk to Ritsu today.   
  
“You’re just worrying me, that’s all.” Takano frowned. “You never drink on weekdays.”   
  
Yokozawa stumbled as he stood. “‘M just gonna go, Masamune. I’m too tired now.”   
  
“You can’t go anywhere like this; you’re drunk off your ass.”   
  
“Quit your nagging!” He slurred in response, already making his way out the door.   
  
Takano thought to follow after him before the man did something dumb, but he felt a tug on his arm. Ritsu had left the bedroom door open and frowned at the worry displayed on his roommate’s face. It really might’ve been social anxiety that kept him away from other people as much as he did. He didn’t seem to do too well with strangers, or any company whatsoever.   
  
But he seemed fine when he was with Takano.    
  
Ritsu pointed the beer cans, mouthing confusion, and Takano shut his eyes, sighing heavily. “Yokozawa- a friend, brought them. I’d rather not drink on a weekday so that's why-”   
  
“-I see.” He was interrupted. “Let’s drink then.”   
  
“Huh?”   
  
“Let’s drink.”   
  
Takano continued to stare, even as the other popped open a can and immediately started chugging. He wasn’t sure if Ritsu didn’t see him say the last part or if he was simply ignoring him, but it seemed that he wasn’t going to stop after the few cans he’d already gone through. Takano was surprised at this alcoholism and wasn’t sure why.   
  
_Fuck it._ He took a can for himself.   
  
A few drinks wouldn’t hurt; it’d been a while since he drank anyway. 

  
  
  
“-and she wouldn’t even apologize. It was unbelievable.”   
  
“Wow, what an ass.” Takano hiccupped. “Y’know, not everyone understands that even the smallest words can hurt. I can feel you there.”   
  
They were drinking for at least an hour when they began to talk about themselves. Ritsu was talking excessively for someone who rarely spoke at all and Takano found himself enjoying it a little too much. They were currently in the midst of romantic talk, specifically exes. Maybe it wasn’t so romantic, actually.   
  
“Thas true… But somethin’s different about you, I can’t seem to figure out what it is.”   
  
Takano was in a daze, especially at this; it was mainly blissful because of his drunkenness but things really seemed compatible between them and he could feel it. “You too.”   
  
“Do you believe in soulmates?” Ritsu blinked rather slowly, seductively.   
  
It was a question Takano meant to ask him a while ago, and he almost thought he was the one who just spoke. It came as more of a surprise to him than he thought and he pondered the TV shows he watched as a kid again. Soulmates. Many people in this world were considered soulmates, as if some kind of magic brought them together. It could definitely be possible, even for them. He stared back at the boy ahead of him.   
  
“Maybe.” He grinned.   
  
Neither of them were the type to jump straight into things so quickly or to let their hearts win over their heads, but in almost an instant they were all over each other, escalating things rather quickly with tongues already dancing in one another’s mouths. Takano wasn’t sure if this would be something to regret in the morning, but didn’t have the right mindset to care in that moment.   
  
It was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trying to catch up... i'm the worst procrastinator ever lmao i'm so sorry


	6. Chapter 6

As soon as they pulled apart, Takano started to think on things a little harder. They were both too drunk to really think straight, a part of him knew that. He knew he was better than to move things along like this.   
  
“Ritsu, wait.” He held the brunette’s shoulder. “Let’s just go to sleep now, we’ve both been drinking a lot.”    
  
Ritsu stared at him crazy for a minute before looking back down. Takano wasn’t sure if the look on his roommates face was one of disappointment or worry, but it seemed to be negative. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get closer to him, but now wasn’t the time. They were moving too fast and were under the influence. It would even be more awkward in the morning if they kept going, and that was the last thing he wanted now.    
  
“We...we need to talk tomorrow, when we’re better.” He wasn’t sure what he was saying, the drinks getting to his head, but he hoped Ritsu would understand.    
  
Takano felt relief as the other nodded up at him and got up. “Mm, yeah.”    
  
He sat there still even when Ritsu went into their room and plopped on his own bed, fast asleep almost as soon as he hit the pillow. Neither of them would be looking forward to the hangovers that would haunt them tomorrow morning, if they could think straight; They would just have to find out the hard way. The conscious part of Takano’s mind could almost cry at this, the man himself falling into a deep slumber.   
  
  
  
Ritsu got up first the next morning, head filled with jumbled memories, but none quite lost. Takano stirred awake almost right after, a light sleeper. He was surprised at the reddening of Ritsu’s neck and ears as the other faced away from him, recalling thoughts of kissing replaying in his head. He didn’t know why it seemed so strange, that Ritsu was so conscious. It was a serious thing, he knew that.   
  
“Ritsu?” Takano rubbed at his eyes in response, sitting at the edge of his bed now. “How are you feeling?”   
  
Right as he said it, he felt the hangover cruising through his body. Takano immediately regretted his awareness of it and almost hurled right away. His head was swimming with nausea and he wanted more than anything to go back to 5 minutes ago when he’d been lost in sleep. Ritsu probably felt the same, assuming from the way his flushed skin paled in response to the question asked and his arms clutching at his stomach. Last night was even more of a mistake than either of them would’ve thought it would be if they’d actually went through with their actions. It was shameful on both of their parts, but they would have to skip class today.    
  
Takano let out a groan as he flopped back to his side down on the bed and Ritsu stood impossibly still, forcing himself to answer the question anyway.

  
 “I’m never drinking again.” Was his response.    
  
Takano almost laughed. “Me neither.”   
  
He knew it wasn’t a good idea in the first place; he even told Yokozawa he wasn’t up for it. Ah, that was right-- Yokozawa. Takano had let his friend go to indulge in Ritsu’s other desires for the night. They didn’t go very far, he remembered this, but a part of him was sulking with the guilt of leaving his friend behind- in a sense, at least. He silently searched with one hand for his cell, finding no luck.   
  
_ Damn.  _   
  
It was at the kitchen counter, he supposed. There was no way he was getting up now--he could barely even turn his body to check on his roommate just across the way, but when he did he caught Ritsu staring right back. The younger boy turned away, obvious and much too quickly. Once again, Takano almost laughed. Despite how shitty he felt, he couldn’t help but to feel a fondness for Ritsu above all once more.    
  
“I’ll go get us some water for now.” He chuckled shortly, getting up reluctantly.   
  
He needed to check on Yokozawa anyway.   
  
As soon as he left the room, he spotted his phone on the floor, screen cracked.    
  
_ When did that happen…? _ _   
_ _   
_ He was even more disappointed to find that the device wasn’t turning on in the slightest, more than just a dead battery; It was broken. He huffed a sigh of disappointment and frustration before getting two cups out and filling them with water. Today was already a bad day.    
  
Ritsu shot him a look upon his entrance and it took him by immediate surprise; It was something teetering on the edge of seriousness and nervousness. They hadn’t been around each other long at all, but it was the first time Ritsu looked at him like that. His eyes glared sharp, like a burning fire-- like desire. But even so, his features remained their usual softness, tender lips and furrowed eyebrows; not quite mad, but rather anxious. He took the water from Takano graciously and bit his lip.   
  
“Do you… remember everything?”   
  
The way Ritsu was looking at him made his gut fill with guilt. A part of him didn’t even want to tell the truth with the way his eyes stuck on him. It felt wrong.   
  
“I- yes. I remember.” He regressed.    
  
Ritsu’s eyes lit up. He was really full of wonder today, shocking Takano over and over again. Ritsu had so many different characteristics to himself that it was strange to see first hand. Takano blinked rapidly in response to Ritsu’s sudden delight.   
  
“Do you?” He blinked again.    
  
Ritsu opened his mouth, excited now more than ever, but closed it again, clutching again at his stomach.    
  
__ These damn hangovers.  Takano rushed to his side, patting him on the back. It would probably feel better to throw up, but even he himself was having a hard time parting with the inactive nausea. He felt a new headache growing before Ritsu lifted up again.    
  
He didn’t have time to process the next moment, Ritsu cupping his chin and kissing him full on the lips. They were sober this time and it made it even harder to know how to react. Takano noticed the look of disappointment on the other’s face right as he pulled away and quickly reached a hand to the back of Ritsu’s neck, pulling him right back. The small gasp Ritsu let out in favor of cloaking a yelp allowed for Takano to slip his tongue past, running right over his teeth. They both ran out of breath rather fast, rather shocked, and pulled off again.    
  
“I remember too.” Ritsu huffed, the flush forming back in his skin.    
  
It occured to Takano then that he wasn’t the only one who needed to talk about how he felt all this time. Ritsu peeled himself all the way off, plopping right beside Takano on the bed this time. There was so much catching up to do, apparently.    
  
Ritsu spoke first. “What do you… think about me?”    
  
Takano had too much to say already; it was going to be a busy conversation, not to mention the many feelings developing within his stomach; It wasn’t just the hangover anymore.    
  
He thought back to when they had first brought up soulmates-- he would start there. 


	7. Chapter 7

“Remember when I first asked you about soulmates?” Takano plopped down on his back over the mattress. “I think that’s when…”   
  
“When what?”    
  
Takano closed his eyes. What was he trying to say, really? He thought back to that moment again. He’d been so confused, questioning himself when he felt so strongly about someone he just met. Love couldn’t be so simple; Takano always believed that--he’d  _ seen  _ that. He saw what love did to his parents and he saw how it thrived in his grandmother… how it’d tormented his best friend, how it’d blinded his classmates.    
  
He kept his eyes closed. “I’m scared. I don’t know what it is I’m feeling, really; I’m confused. I like you. At least, I think I like you. And well, I’m not sure exactly, but… things are different with you. There doesn’t really have to be a reason, does there? I just do. I like you.”    
  
At this point, Takano had sat up again, staring right into Ritsu’s bright eyes. They were emerald-green, something that reminded Takano of his grandma again. She was fond of gemstones, collecting all kinds of shiny jewelry here and there. Emerald had never really stood out to him until now. 

 

Ritsu’s eyes gradually lost their flame, as if he was deflating. As if he was  _ disappointed.  _

  
“Ritsu…” Takano pressed on, almost desperate.    
  
The boy in question shook his head and offered a quick apology. “I’m just surprised, that’s all.” He said.    
  
Before Takano pried further, he continued. “I like you too. You’re different… in a way I can’t really put into words. I just- I like a lot of things about you, I could never explain them all. It might take days to tell.”   
  
“Days? No way.”   
  
Ritsu flicked a smile back in Takano’s direction at this, failing to hide it. “Yeah, maybe even up to three.”    
  
Takano’s hazel eyes lit up impossibly brighter. “What? That is a long time…”   
  
They looked at each other for a while. It was normal to question these kinds of things, they both knew that, but there was an unsettling wonder between them that interrupted the natural tension. What were they supposed to do now? Were they moving too fast, was this right? Takano probably noticed that Ritsu was worried about the same things as he turned back away.    
  
“Let’s give this some more time.”   
  
“What?” Ritsu perked up again.   
  
Takano scratched the side of his head. “Let’s get to know each other more. No need to rush, you know?”   
  
“Ah, yeah. Yes, you’re right.” He smiled to himself. “Let’s give it, I don’t know, three weeks?”   
  
“What is with you and the number three?” Takano laughed.   
  
Ritsu shrugged and it was the smallest, yet cutest, gesture of the morning. Takano wanted him then and there, contradicting his original predicament. He was just glad they finally got to talk. Regardless, though, they needed to rid themselves of these gruesome hangovers. Takano got up again to bring them both some cold water.    
  
“Wait, Takano-san.” Ritsu took hold of his sleeve, just as he did last night before he went for Yokozawa. “I’m sorry about last time.”   
  
_ Last time? _   
  
He assumed he was talking about the drinking and shrugged. “Don’t worry so much. I’m just gonna get us some water for right now.”   
  
“Ah, right…” But Ritsu’s face still seemed lost somewhere.    
  
Did something else happen that he didn’t remember? He shook his head and made way to the fridge. He couldn’t seem to get Yokozawa out of his head--he needed to text him after all, to make sure he was okay now at least.    
  
“Hey, Ritsu?” Takano chewed on his lip after passing him a bottle. “Mind if I use your phone to text someone real quick? I must’ve cracked mine or-”   
  
“Oh.”    
  
The look on his face made Takano flinch. It was like pure horror. He bit his lower lip harder. Something was  _ definitely  _ missing.    
  
“Here.” Ritsu dropped the bottle to his side and laid back on his own bed.    
  
He didn’t take his eyes off of Takano as he tapped a number into the message box, writing out what seemed close to a paragraph. It wasn’t like Takano couldn’t feel his eyes on him, but it just didn’t seem that serious to him then. He continued his typing, almost aggressive.   
  
_ Yokozawa? It’s me, Masamune. I must’ve cracked my phone last night, but I just need to make sure you’re okay now. How are you feeling, did you skip class? You seemed to be really drunk last night...How much did you drink anyway, and why?? I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully, if you don’t answer this anyhow. Message me back here if you can. I’m sorry. _ _   
_ _   
_ He made sure to exit out before handing the phone back to Ritsu, not wanting to worry him. And yet, something about the look in those emerald eyes already told him that he was upset anyway.   
  
_ But _ why _?  _ _   
_ __   
He couldn’t really be jealous of Yokozawa, right? He smiled lightly in the direction of his roommate and felt a surge of relief when the look was returned. Maybe he was imagining things after all.    
  
He decided a nap was essential right now. The next wave of migraine symptoms would hit again soon otherwise. It seemed Ritsu had the same idea, as he could already hear the soft sighs of sleep shrouding the room.    
  
He closed his eyes once again. 


	8. Chapter 8

No matter how many nightmares Takano slept through each and every day, he just couldn’t seem to get used to them. Whether it was a chase sequence leaving him wide-eyed, chest heaving, or a sad recollection of memories he shared with his mother, wiping away soft tears in the early morning, nothing ever seemed to get better. This time was no exception, his heart racing and pounding against his ribs so hard he might’ve thrown up. 

 

He had been with Ritsu; they were telling people about their relationship. Dreams were like this, he knew, where even the impossible seemed so real. There was nothing you could really question once asleep, so lost in fantasy. In the dream, they had been far from reality, in love and confident. It had all been going so well, the two of them walking beside each other in the night, under the moonlight, messing around. But then there were gunshots and a blinding light that had Takano yelp in terrifying surprise, hiding himself behind a brick wall for cover only to be found with a gun to his head. At first he felt the fear screaming so strongly within his very body, so strong it seemed to shake his thoughts out of spiral--until he thought a little clearer. Death was something that happened to everyone after all, and what would be the point, living in a world where they could never be a couple without getting harassed and looked down along the way, at every turn? Ritsu was probably gone to the world now, he’d lost him in the fire of bullets. He felt himself breathe out and close his eyes, inching towards his last moments of life, the click of a trigger--   
  
“Takano-san!” 

 

Takano felt his hands still shaking even after waking up. A surge of relief struck his body so hard he almost stopped breathing. He heaved a great sigh and slumped forward, hands wiping at his face. He was sure he looked just as frazzled as he felt, for Ritsu’s look of concern only seemed to grow.    
  
“Takano-san,” he started again, “are you alright? You seemed like you were having a nightmare, so that’s why I…”   
  
“It’s fine.” Takano smiled down at the small, pale hands gripping at the sheets beneath. “I’m okay.”   
  
Ritsu didn’t seem convinced, but he took the chance anyway, letting himself out of the way. It felt like an entire day had passed, though they’d only been resting for a few hours. Takano felt that shitty I-just-got-out-of-bed-in-the-late-noon feeling inside and out and groaned. The gratefulness he felt upon seeing Ritsu’s face,  _ alive _ , quickly dissipated with the reality that was truly there. He still needed to deal with Yokozawa, to go to school,  _ to get up. _

 

Simple things, really, but he didn’t feel like doing anything at all and that only made him feel worse.

 

“I feel like I could write a superhero comic book series with these kinds of nightmares…” He mumbled, remembering the sickening and yet so  _ real _ feeling of a barrel to his brain. 

 

“Maybe you should get a dreamcatcher.” Ritsu half-smiled, probably only trying to lighten the mood. 

 

“Maybe.”   
  
That usual, awkward sexual-tension that seemed to grow every time they were in the silence of being alone together was interrupted shortly by the alarming “ding” of Ritsu’s cell. The brunettes shy grins disappeared in almost an instant upon viewing the bright view of his screen. He grudgingly passed the device in Takano’s direction, making his way to their small shower.    
  
“It’s for you.” 

 

And with that, he was gone. 

  
  
  
  


Yokozawa was a fairly civilized kind of person. He didn’t like to dig deep into things or to be involved in any sort of personal drama. It was Takano that made him so different.

 

Just hearing his name, his laugh, was overwhelming. He knew this kind of love would have to be erased--it was so dirty and so unabashedly ugly that he could nearly feel guilty about it. But he didn’t, and that seemed worse. He should be able to get by on his own, not leaning on his best friend--on Takano-- for moral support of his own  _ love life.  _ It drove his mind insane just thinking about it, how selfish he was. He needed to let Takano live his own life and figure shit out on his own, and he planned to do just that the night Takano didn’t go after him after all the drinking he did, knowing he shouldn’t have; knowing it was selfish of him to do so. But he fell right back from the slightest message.

 

_ Yokozawa? It’s me, Masamune. I must’ve cracked my phone last night, but I just need to make sure you’re okay now. How are you feeling, did you skip class? You seemed to be really drunk last night...How much did you drink anyway, and why?? I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully, if you don’t answer this anyhow. Message me back here if you can. I’m sorry. _

 

He felt  _ so ugly.  _ So disgusting for getting all worked up over a sincere text as such. Takano was really worried about him, of course he was. He knew that…

 

But he wanted so much more than the occasional worry, the slight attention he received as a “best friend”. It was never enough, and Yokozawa hated himself for it.

 

What would it be like, he would wonder, to feel Takano’s muscles contracting beneath him. Labored breathing, crying out Yokozawa’s name in the frenzy of bliss and restriction… His voice would be so raw, breath catching in Yokozawa’s mouth as they kissed, something so messy but yet so hot in the heat of their arousal. 

 

What would it be like?   
  
Holding hands, even in the daylight, ignoring what anyone else had to say because this was their world, this was them.  _ This was them.  _

 

How he wanted it to be so, without Takano giving him but a glance before turning to someone else--before turning to that boy--to Ritsu. Ritsu who he only  _ just met.  _ Who he barely knew. Why would it be someone like that when he had Yokozawa all this time? It just wasn’t  _ fair.  _ He grit his teeth again at the thought, stuck between jealousy and guilt. So what was love then, if not this? He wanted Takano all to himself and yet didn’t want him at all. It was a pain now that settled between the pit of his stomach--a sickening and searing pain that felt like thorns squeezing around his heart, harder and harder and harder and-

  
And suddenly he had rang the phone number that the message had come from. The number he knew had to be Ritsu’s, couldn’t have been anyone else’s. He waited for the familiar voice that he just knew would pick up, and he waited for the worried call of, “Hello?”, on the other side before grinning satisfyingly. Selfish as it was, he knew he was doing what was right for Takano. He was the only one who could truly match him, his real soulmate. He knew that, and he wasn’t going to let any “newcomer” in the way of it.    
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i based part of that dream on a nightmare i just had about me and my crush lmao


End file.
